I know it may seem strange, disturbing, etc., but the image to the right is my art piece for adv. digital photography. it's supposed to encompass the pain, locked up feeling, one gets when they have endometeriosis, like i do. I'm really happy with how it came out, and kind of proud of myself for not letting myself portray happy colorful art.
I'm in a really good mood today, contrary to most other days. I think it's because of the clouds that are looming outside actually. Strange. Perhaps it's because, since I'm locked up indoors all the time, that I'm quite okay with it... because I know I'm not missing beautiful sunshine. But at the same time, I've been praying and asking God to refresh me... to help me see new. And through the rain, I believe he did. He refreshed me. And I feel more alive and happy. Who knew such sunshine could come from clouds.
much beauty in that. So much longing. And I miss capturing it. Perhaps I should put down my new little point-n-shoot, and pick up my dslr again to take hold of these tiny happenings. But for now, I need rest. My body is starting to tell me so, as usual. My back is aching, my muscles are tensing, my stomach is rumbling. In my mind, my arms are reaching out towards my bed, what I'm longing for. Ironic isn't it?
I'm a busy person. I wish I wasn't so busy that I couldn't post anything- would like to try to do more! This new semester is, by the looks of my schedule, going to be easy, but I don't think I'll like it as much as a usual schedule. I'm busy from 12-9 almost everyday. I miss everyone. I miss my friends. I miss my Caleb. He and I are still together, closer than ever before. I love him. A group of us went to the dunes yesterday. It was chilly and windy, but some of the most fun I've had in a while. Caleb and I laid on a blanket and flew a kite :) Jeez. Caleb, speaking of. Gosh, he's the love of my life. Looking back, ya know, I knew he was it- and I admitted that to myself, to you, and even to him; but I just wonder if I believed it myself. Because, now, a year later, he just seems so much more real to me. We spent the summer away from each other at summer cam
p; I never felt like something was so screwed up.... like I was missing something, my person, my half. But, at the same time, it taught me to really watch how much I let myself depend on Caleb. God was my center, and through the summer He taught me that my main focus and attention needed to be on Him and not on people, such as Caleb. I'm now seeing as time with Caleb as a gift instead of a necessity. Something God graciously gave me instead of something I somehow deserve. I'm suddenly okay without him, suddenly not sitting around longing for him and waiting for him to miss me. I am happy to see him, and thank God for every moment that I have with him. When it comes. There. ..... How's that for a first post....? :)
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