i love being home... and yet i feel kinda trapped... and i can't put my finger on why. maybe it's because i've gone where i've wanted to and stayed up for as long as i needed to without wondering if my parents are going to kill me when they find out that i'm up. i'm used to going. not running downstairs "mom! can i spend the night at liz's?" i just go. i'm not used to asking my friends to hold on the line while i check for permission. i've grown out of that. part of me wants to get back into the jist of things... but to be honest most of me wants to stay out of it. meanwhile, many of my closest friends and my boyfriend are down in new orleans on a mission trip... one i could have easily went on but my parents didn't feel comfortable with me traveling down there. had nothing to do with money. just comfort. i think i need adventure. i went to walmart with my mom today and she ran around fretting about buying laundry soap and bottled water for me to take back. but ya know, the only think i wanted were a few plastic daisies to put in a vase i have in my dorm. that's all. i'm good. i'm okay. i'm safe.

Sitting. Staring into the blackness...the darkness of a dark worship center. Poeple out in the gathering place discussing jobs... students running around the dark church playing hide n' go seek. me...sitting. The ceiling rumbles and the air turns on. it hurts my head as it presses on above... pumping cool and chilling air into this enclosed soundroom. Youth group. Youth group. Youth group. It now seems like youth groups. everyone has paired off. Odd numbers. Odd numbers. Odd numbers. someone has to be left alone. i suppose it is me. New youth paster. new routine. things are so different. not like they used to be. people say change is good and will come. what if that wasn't true. should i? i need to be out of everything. I want to be flying above my problems like a bird or an airplane and just soar above everything i used to know and smile.

The lights flicker and the lights of this old worship center turn on. a boy walks in, trys to open a storage closet...but it is locked. no luck. he walks back... sad... leaving the lights on. I can see everything beyond this computer screen. silence and a glow not bright enough to completly see the true color of anything. the only colors possible to see are of this screen.

The boy runs back...now with a key.... strangly as he runs to unlock the door, the door opens before he can touch it. he walks inside and the door shuts behind him. he comes out with a candle and walks back. this time turning out the lights and shutting the door behind him. I'm alone again in this little soundroom...sitting... sitting... sitting...

winter is beautiful
winter is romantic
winter is amazing
i wish spring would hold off until fall

how amazing

say goodbye to these thoughts we used to know
say goodbye to the feelings
say goodbye to hatred and doubt
say hello to love.

There's no combination of words

I could put on the back of a postcard

No song I could sing

But I can try for your heart

Our dreams, and they are made out of real things

Like a, shoebox of photographs

With sepiatone loving

Love is the answer,

At least for most of the questions in my heart

Like why are we here? and where do we go?

And how come we're so hard?

It's not always easy and

Sometimes life can be deceiving

I'll tell you one thing its always better when we're together

its always better when we're together

Look at the stars when we're together

Its always better when we're together

Yeah, its always better when we're together

And all of these moments

Just might find there way into my dreams tonight

But I know that theyll be gone

When the morning light sings

And brings new things

But tomorrow night you see

That theyll be gone too

Too many things I have to do

But if all of these dreams might find there way

Into my day to day scene

Ill be under the impression

I was somewhere in between

With only two

Just me and you

Not so many things we got to do

Or places we got to be

We'll Sit beneath the mango tree

I believe in memories

They look so, so pretty when I sleep

Hey now, and when I wake up,

You look so wonderful sleeping next to me

But there is not enough time,

And there is no song I could sing

And there is no, combination of words I could say

But I will still tell you one thing

We're Better together.

...is found by sitting back and letting the situation clarify itself...

If we could shrink the earth’s population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following.  There would be:

57 Asians

21 Europeans

14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south

8 Africans

52 would be female

48 would be male

70 would be nonwhite

30 would be white

70 would be non-Christian

30 would be Christian

89 would be heterosexual

11 would be homosexual

6 people would possess 59% of the entire world’s wealth, and all 6 would be from the United States!!!

80 would live in substandard housing

70 would be unable to read

50 would suffer from malnutrition

1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth

1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education

1 would own a computer